More in ’24 (Part 3) | 10 Guidelines for an Effective Apology
Here are 10 guidelines for an effective, ethical apology that avoids arrogance and deflection of responsibility:
1. Use “I” statements without qualifiers – “I spoke wrongly when…” Not “if my words hurt you…”
2. Name specific behaviors that caused harm. Not “for whatever mistakes I made…”
3. Express sorrow for pain you caused.
4. Thank person for allowing an apology.
5. Offer to make reasonable amends or correctives.
6. Do not defend intent when impact is clear.
7. Make no comparisons to the faults of others.
8. Set aside phrases like: “Given how I felt provoked…”
9. Offer forgiveness freely.
10. Accept that rebuilding trust takes time.
Key phrases to avoid:
– “If I somehow upset you…”
– “I am sorry if…”
– “I never meant to…”
– “I was just…”
– “You have to admit…”
– “I don’t see why…”
– “I guess I can try, but…”
The goal is to stay present focused on taking responsibility for one’s own words and choices. No subtle dodges or projections. I appreciate you pushing me to elaborate further so that when apologies are made, harm is acknowledged and healing can start. Let me know your additional thoughts!